you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize