I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
