Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
