I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
