PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
thus making me awesome and them whores
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize
