thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Randomize
