Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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