I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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