Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
