no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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