I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
