my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
