Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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