Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
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