Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize