actually, I'm a sock model
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize