I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Randomize
