Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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