I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
