I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
