The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
