did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
You brought string cheese to the strip club
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Randomize
