I cockslap morals
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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