did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
