Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
