He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
He shit in the fireplace
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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