Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
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