I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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