i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
