New invention idea: vibrating tampons
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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