Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
