Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize