So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Randomize
