Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
