I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize