Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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