Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Someone shattered a urinal.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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