He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
