Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
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