I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
