i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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