You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
