I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
your room smells of hookers.
And success
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
