i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
