What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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