how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Randomize
