You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
ttyl tear gas
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
