Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
My Higher Power is John Stamos
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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