they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
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