Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
