I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
