Your tits are I can't wait for
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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