i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
