trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
where are my eyebrows?
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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