Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
