If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
And then my night got REAL pukey
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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