I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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