I got chris browned last night
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
