Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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