Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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