thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
