My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
