He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
no. you can't hotbox the world.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
