it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Can you bring me the toilet please
It's no shave November. This is our time.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Randomize
