Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
